I’ve been convicted. I guess that’s a good thing. It’s a chance to grow and change, right? I was reading my devotion the other day and it was on being slow to anger. I’m not. I prayed that the Lord would help me to be slow to anger and quick with grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I think you can imagine how my next few days have looked.
I got angry when we were five minutes late to a dinner engagement. I got angry when I felt misunderstood. Then I got angry that I was getting angry. What’s wrong with me? I realize that Jesus lived a life that showed righteous anger but not sinful anger for me. I realize that He paid the price for my anger yet something still was nagging my soul. Then it hit me. Repentance. I’ve been skipping repentance! Yes, I go to the gospel for my ultimate hope but forget to repent of my sin. Lord, forgive me for being quick to anger rather than love. Please forgive me for reacting in anger toward my husband and child. I repent of my heart wanting control rather than trusting the Lord with spontaneous events. Then the gospel truth rushes in…yet my heart can’t fathom believing that the Lord can forgive me again! What grace! What mercy! Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!
Yesterday Annabelle’s favorite word was “no”. Most of the time it was an emphatic, “NO!” The hard days of training that should be anger free. Spirit, help me! I say “NO!” to you so often too! Then today, oh today. I had Annabelle on my bike and we were headed home from story time and the park. There was a man in his 60’s or 70’s on a bike in front of me. We were on a narrow road and for some reason he moved to the center of the lane. I didn’t want to pass on the right as there was on coming traffic (remember, we drive on the left), so I passed on the left…the same time he took a left right into us. We all crashed. He had no helmet and I managed to keep AC from hitting the ground. He had deep cuts in his hand that cried for stiches and he hit his head. The only Japanese I knew to say was gomenisii, I’m sorry. Two witnesses stopped and helped. We got him and his bike up along with the flown packages. One of the witnesses spoke both languages and she said it was an accident but took my info in case. They were all so kind. They called an ambulance for him to make sure he was OK.
Annabelle and I went the 30 remaining seconds to our house and I started shaking and tearing up. I was scared for him, confused at the situation, and angry that the accident happened at all. Then I promptly dropped a glass casserole dish and it shattered on the floor with all it’s contents. Really Lord? Slow to anger? Spirit, help me!
I finally let Annabelle watch a 15-minute show and afterward she cried for more and I said no. It was time for a nap. She cried harder in her anger. Yup. I can relate. We both prayed for the spirit to help us once again. We asked for forgiveness and I trust that Christ died and rose for these sins too. I am clean again because of Christ. Oh the depth of His grace, oh the width of His love. I am unworthy, aren’t we all?
Pray for this man. I’m sure there was a lot lost in translation as I stood their lamely trying to help but not knowing how. Pray for his healing, in more ways than one.