My intestines suggested that it would be best for me to stay home from church today. I decided to listen to a couple of sermons while resting and putting around. The first was why and how to guard your heart by Wayne Grudem and the other is the Incomparable Glory of God Alone by Bruce Ware. I think my conviction tank is on overload.
I learned that out of the heart, the mouth speaks. Yeah, I quote that, but hearing it fleshed out showed me the bitterness, complaining spirit, perfectionism, selfishness, and pride my heart sprouts in the form of speech and face. I am lazy at guarding my heart. It’s way easier to let my emotions and feelings dictate my actions and speech. It’s easier for me to choose rest and peace rather than working hard to determine the truth before speaking and acting. Then I learned guarding my heart means taking little steps every day; reading the word, praying, being humble, and serving. Neglecting the simple spiritual disciplines enables the god of this age to slip in to rule our lives instead of the Eternal God. No one is above or below the snares of the devil, we all need to guard our heart. And then Dr. Grudem described men and women who guard their heart; they are full of joy, they trust the Lord is in control of what is happening in and around their lives, they teach with humility, and people gravitate toward them. I know people like that, do you?
Now Im listening to one of these joyous people exuberantly proclaim the glory of God! Dr. Ware’s excitement for the Lord is contagious! As I listen and watch him, I can’t help but join with him in glorying the God of Creation. To trust in His Sovereign Hand in good and bad circumstances. God is not Ying Yang, He is good and not evil. He is light and not darkness. So His control of evil is for good purposes. The cross is the supreme example of this. What we can see as earthly bad, Jesus being crucified, He meant for good, our salvation! Amazing. Our God is amazing! Aren’t we glad that God controls all things? If not, that would mean that Satan, demons, or we would. Oh man, I’m so thankful that I can trust a good God with all things.
Why does this mean so much to me lately? Complacency, arrogance, and even boredom have slipped into my life. I once again have asked myself how I can be a good member of society by being a stay at home mom. Wouldn’t my life be more valuable to society if I got super involved with groups and activities? I have not guarded my heart against these lies or praised my Lord for where He has me right now in life. In congruence with these sermons I am also reading a book about the feminist movements and how they have affected women and men. I was challenged to remember that molding a soul, that will mold more souls, who will mold more souls in a HUGE deal. Being faithful to work at home doing mundane, yet needed, things to help my husband and daughter glorifies the Lord. I learned that it was the women’s job in Old Testament times to teach the children both spiritual and practical things. That opened my eyes to how one good king could produce such an evil king when he married a foreign woman who did not worship the Lord. She taught the children her gods, not about the True and Living God. Wow. My influence on Annabelle is important! I cannot make her believe in the Lord, but I can teach her in the way she should go and let the Lord do His work.
I am not saying that a woman should never work, hold office, or should quit her job to stay at home. I realize that it is an individual family decision that should not be made lightly. I am saying, that I needed this kick in the pants. I needed to be reminded to guard my heart, glory in my Redeemer, and remember that my worth is not determined by what I do or don’t do, whether I am seen or not seen. I needed to be reminded to speak truth to myself so bitterness, pride, selfishness, and perfectionism stays at bay. I needed to look at the greatness of my God to realize some of my issues are embarrassingly small to dwell upon. And I need to be faithful as a believer to glorify the Lord as a wife, mom, and church member. Lord I believe, help my unbelief in trusting you with what I have learned.