Time is strange. Almost three months have passed since I’ve sat down to click through my thoughts. I forget how releasing it is to take time and think through struggles, joys, pains, sadness, laughter, and blessings. So, like it or not, you have been chosen to help me process. =0)
Annabelle came back from the states another year older and in her own seat. I learned what it was like to be THAT mom on the airplane and have THAT kid. I was in tears and realized that no matter how much control I perceive I had as a parent, I had none. I was humbled at how I desired for people to define my worth by Annabelle’s behavior. I came home promising never to make that trip again…but I know that family and friends are worth every hour of plane pain.
After Annabelle turned two, Barrett and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. Six years. Nothing in light of eternity, yet I feel like we have learned so much about each other, ourselves, and our Savior’s faithfulness. Our sin and selfishness has been exposed like a biology dissection. Yet, oddly, we find that the Lord has healed our hurts and proven that in our weakness, He is strong. Like Britney Spears, we are stronger than yesterday…OK, maybe not EXACTLY like Britney!
Two weeks after that, I turned another year older! We had a family day of going out to breakfast, sweating at a Japanese park, escaping to the air conditioning in the Military Exchange, and then watching fireworks from our roof. I keep expecting to feel and look younger, but wrinkles are getting defined and joints inflame more often than I would like to admit. Yet, I am thankful to have been woven in my mother’s womb by a sovereign God who placed me in the right family. I am more thankful to have been adopted into the Creator’s eternal family when I was at my worst! Honestly, the sweetness of my heavenly Father continues to grow as I learn more about my sin and grasp Christ’s sacrifice and great exchange…where He took my sin and gave me His righteousness. Amazing. So much so, that we have been compelled to adopt orphans ourselves. How can we not adopt helpless children when we have been adopted?
Our pain of adoption is nothing compared to what Jesus did, but our slice is still painful. Our paperwork keeps getting fixed and redone. We are still waiting on government forms to allow us to apply for more government forms. We have days of agony and disappointment and days of joy telling Annabelle about her new brothers or sisters. So now we are updating paperwork…again and still waiting.
Barrett just got his orders for another two years here in Okinawa and we are in the midst of losing sweet friends. By next month, my closest friends will have all left the island. And we just found out our neighbors are also leaving early. They have been more than friends and neighbors, they have become family to us. My heart aches just thinking of life without them here. So life continues to bring a range of emotions to process and tap out. But through it all, I have hope and have become even more thankful for my family, friends, and experiences. The Lord continues to form me into who He wants me to be…like Jesus. Yeah, that sounds churchy, but being a parent, wife, sister, daughter, and friend are nothing compared to being in Christ. I have joy and happiness being defined by Him and nothing else…and the cool thing is, this joy and happiness overflows to my family, friends, and circumstances. They become even more enjoyable as I find myself in Christ.
Thanks for helping me process. Know that I am happy to do the same for you if you find a need to tap-dance yourself.