“Happy Wife, Happy Life!” That seemed to be the theme of the CREDO marriage retreat that Barrett and I attended this past weekend. We had just finished a long weekend in Tokyo with Annabelle (with snow, mittens, and walking miles!), washed the clothes, dropped her off at a friends house, and then began a 2 night-3 day retreat with 17 other military couples. We honestly didn’t know what to expect but were looking forward to a free vacation in a nice hotel here on island!
We first found out if we were a D-I-S-or C for our personality. Then we discovered which of the 5 love languages we resonated the most. Then we watched a video on how different men and women think and we finished up with learning about what forgiveness is and is not. We had a chance to write a love letter, talk about past hurts, and ask each other meaningful questions between our buffets and meetings. It was a whirlwind of group activities for sure!
It was difficult for us to hear the seemingly purpose of marriage is to love, forgive, and serve the other person so you will be happy and that you will ultimately get what you want. A mutual manipulation. We learned about ourselves so our spouse can meet our needs our way. Don’t get me wrong, I think the tests were interesting and helpful as tools, but not to define who we are and what we deserve to get.
This morning I watched a sermon by Mark Driscoll on “I am in Christ”….AMAZING! After hearing and telling people that I am a “C” and my love language is “touch and gifts of service”, it was a balm to my soul to hear that I AM IN CHRIST. I am defined by my Savior who died for me while I was unworthy. I am defined by my Savior who took God’s wrath that I deserved and gave me His perfect righteousness. I am blessed with all the spiritual blessings of heaven. I was chosen before the foundation of the world…not for my glory, but for HIS!
That is what needs to change my marriage. I shed many tears in this retreat, I cannot lie. My human side longs to be understood and on the same page of music as my best friend. I saw our differences more on this retreat than our similarities. I found it difficult to be able to relate to him the “way he needs it” on my own strength. But after being reminded that I am IN CHIRST, I realized that I have been given the spirit to love and serve Barrett in love. My motivation is not to make or manipulate him to do what I want, but my motivation comes out of what I have in Christ! I forgive because Christ forgave me. I love because Christ loved me first (at my worst!), I serve because Christ served me by dying on the cross. What a difference that makes!
Driscoll also made a point of telling us that the word “Christian” is only found in scriptures 3 times, yet we use that constantly. The words, In Christ (or in Him) are used over 200 times…why? Because we forget! Im thankful once again of being reminded that I am in Christ. Lord, please help me to understand how to practically use this knowledge in my marriage and life.