As I pushed Annabelle in the morning air I saw a shell scoot by and then slam down. Huh. The crab was taking its home with him on his sojourn today. Seems that he was traveling far from his normal crawl space. Yet his bravery of exploring new sites slammed down as soon as he was approached by a scary or unknown situation.
I too seem to slam down at home after a long sojourn as well. Barrett came home from deployment on one day over a month ago and Annabelle and I left for the States the very next day. We spent a few days in Louisville before being joined by him for Together for the Gospel. After being separated for months, we reunited where we first united after we were married, in Louisville, KY. What fun to see all our friends and be fed the Word for three solid days. I can’t tell you how refreshing that was!
My parents then drove out to meet us after the conference was concluded, only to turn around and drive us all back to Virginia to spend some time with more family and friends. What servant hearts they had and what fun to reconnect on a family drive with bathroom and Wendy’s pit stops. What a joy to have Annabelle play with all her cousins, see friends, and relax with family. We fought colds and tiredness but were able to enjoy family dinners each night…and a trip to my favorite ice cream spot!
Then we were off to Colorado for time with Barrett’s family and Annabelle met her Aunt Kelly and cousin Emily for the first time. They took her to her first butterfly garden so Barrett and I could have a date and they returned her in a bright pink tutu! Hilarious! Annabelle learned to eat cheerios and climb stairs while we were there as well. We got our teeth cleaned, went swimming, and ate at our favorite Boulder restaurants to name a few things.
We were also honored to take part in a dear cousin’s funeral who died unexpectedly while we were there. What sadness abounded yet what comfort to be among the family and to grieve with them. We will all miss Jim greatly. He was a fun loving husband, father, and friend who served his country well and family more. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of his memory.
We returned back to Okinawa and were thrown back into ministry, goodbye’s to sweet friends, and Annabelle’s first birthday. Life never seems to slow down and we find ourselves once again going from the sadness of broken marriages and friends leaving to celebrating with Annabelle and laughing at life’s oddities.
I must admit that my transition has been less than stellar. Funny how great I am at counseling others with situations much graver than anything I can fathom, yet I lie on the floor wanting to disappear just for an hour to feel normal. Like the crab, I enjoy exploring life until it breeches too close for comfort and I slam down my home thinking that all the bad and scary things go away.
I am aware of my selfishness and pride of life in my hunt for the comfort of my closed home. I realize that sometimes I close off the world to protect myself from the pain of relationships. I like to explore the world my own way on my own time and don’t want life to interfere. When it does…SLAM…Im covered by my shell. I can hide there for a long time.
The Lord has convicted me of this sin, of thinking too highly of myself and feelings rather than basking in His glory and the life he has gifted me. He was constantly putting Himself in messy situations and missing sleep and alone time. His schedule was off consistently and he didn’t forgo relationships so he could miss the pain of loss. In fact, He died for the ungodly…me when I was at my worst, only to give me what I could never earn on my own, the forgiveness of my sins and eternal life. How quickly I forget the blessings of life and focus on the trials.
Huh. When I woke up this morning I never thought that I would be convicted of sin by a crab playing hide and seek. Isn’t it like our Lord to use the simplest of things to awaken our hearts once again.