Annabelle’s arms and legs were swinging in the baby b’jorn as I held the blue and white umbrella above us to shield us both from the unrelenting heat rays. We were walking the pier with two embark Marines to meet Barrett after almost three months of being apart. I was easy to spot, but he was not in the sea of camouflage…though his vigorously waving arms helped. He came down the ramp of the USS Germantown and got to hold his girls again. What joy! What smiles!
That was almost a month ago! Wow! Time flies! I’ve been fighting bad eczema and an infection on my fingers so I haven’t written due to the pain and pus from typing. Yuck. Why mention that? Because I didn’t realize how much one irritant can affect my whole life. Everything I touch affected me. Caring for Annabelle, caring for Barrett, caring for the house. Then my pride of running a household would not let me take a break so the healing has been slow. But that has not been my only issue. I’ve also been dealing with King of the Hill complex.
Remember that game? Where you pull your friends off the hill to take your place at the top? Well, I found myself doing that at home with Barrett. What a joy to have him back yet what a battle I fought daily with wanting to rule to roost the way I had been doing for the last three months. To have my own schedule, to care for Annabelle the way I think is right, and to do the things I want to do when I want to do them. So I would pull him down with looks, comments, and sportin’ an attitude. Then I would take my place at the top of the roost and realize it’s lonely up there. Funny thing is, I thought I prepared myself for it. I knew that Satan could easily attack me with this control issue and yet I didn’t keep my thoughts captive. The Lord delights to test me past my self-appointed extended extremes.
So I found myself battling a physical and spiritual ailment that kept me from being the wife and mom I “knew” I should be. Both caused pain with everything I touched. Both left me in tears as I realized my life is not my own. My life is not meant for everyone to revolve around me. Haven’t I learned that lesson yet? =0) How the Lord has patience with me is beyond my fallen intellect. I guess it’s as simple as “Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.” The Bible says that my life was bought with a price…the price of the life of the Son of God… not to be king of my own hill but to give glory to the King of every hill. My sin of wanting to be king of the hill has been paid for and I have been forgiven for this sin, again….and again…and again because of what Jesus did on the cross.
Well, I’m still battling both my fingers and my control but the healing has begun. The pain is less and the open wounds are closing. If you think of us, please pray for our unity, that it will be in Christ and nothing else.