How do you parents with more than one child ever get anywhere on time? It took 3 changes of clothes between 4 poopy diapers and spit up to get Annabelle in her incredibly heavy car seat to go to her 2-week checkup. Then I awkwardly carried her in her car seat through the rain, with my own bag on my other shoulder (which kept slipping off) and a manila envelope with important paperwork, into the hospital. By the time the record people realized they didn’t have her record I was late. We made it through the appointment, a run to the post office, and a quick trip to the convenient store despite my knocking her around in her car seat by maneuvering and plopping her on a mail cart with a couple of boxes. Sleep came easy for the both of us when we got home. I can’t imagine doing that with more kids! Thanks mom and dad!
I remember getting lots of advice before I had her, but none of it really made sense until I found myself in some of those awkward situations. For instance, feeding her in the middle of the night when the laxative Im taking due to the iron prescription Im on, kicks in. Um….what do I do? Drop and run? Wake Barrett? Take her with me? Ugh! Is it OK for me to leave her crying in her crib so I can take a shower? Why shower anyway? I just get spit up on and dirty anyway. Oh, and gone are the days when I do laundry once a week. We both blow through a wardrobe a day. =0) Sleep when she sleeps? What if she doesn’t? What if its time to feed her again when she finishes her previous feeding? Then I think of the advice of keeping your marriage first. Man, I didn’t realize how difficult that would be. Our conversations have focused on what she needs when she is crying, among other parenting questions, rather than on sports, books, or how the other is doing. We have four parenting books within arms reach of where I am typing and still manage to argue about how to care for her. Our conversations have morphed drastically and quickly toward poopy diapers and burps rather than normal, everyday conversation. Then my tiredness kicks in and any hope for meaningful anything is put to bed with me. I become like the marine that takes any moment for a catnap, including one while he is on his feet, I even fall asleep while feeding her. How do you manage prioritizing God, spouse, and family?
Honestly? We can’t. We will never be the perfect parent or spouse. Oh how I desperately want to memorize Parenting with Grace like Elise Fitzpatrick and have Annabelle perfectly following babywise finding the perfect balance between following the schedule perfectly yet allowing for grace when needed. Parenting is yet another way where I see why we need the Lord and the church. The Lord is her perfect Father and He knows all her needs more than I ever could. He hears her cries and knows what they are about before I do. How easy is it for me to forget that I can pray for her when she cries…instead I try to fix her every need on my own. I think that I am the answer to her problems when really, the Lord is. Yes, I realize that He has gifted her to us to meet her earthly needs, but I will never meet those needs perfectly. I am only a shadow of the One that can truly and fully give her rest and peace.
The church has also been a huge help in breaking down my supermom complex. How thankful I am for a listening ear and a homemade dinner delivered just in the nick of time. Despite what I think and plan, I can’t do it all. My pride is shattered by her siren cries that remind me that I will never meet her needs.
My hope? I am forgiven of my imperfections and failures as a wife and mom because Jesus was perfect for me. He paid for my imperfections on the cross and rising again. He is perfect where I am not and my job is not to be perfect for Barrett and Annabelle but to remind them of our perfect Savior who will never fail them. I must remind myself when my imperfections become bigger than the gospel. My life’s aim is not in being a mom or wife, but in glorifying Christ.