“The American dream has seemed to change lately. It used to be that as a kid you dreamed of marriage, a white picket fence, yard, dog, and owning your house, but lately I have been reading about how marriage has morphed to anything goes and adultery is OK. This sense of no commitment bleeds into the work place where we can change jobs quickly and do not care about promises we make. Did you grow up with a dream? Do the young kids here have a common dream?” I carefully fished for more noodles with my chopsticks while waiting for “Anne” to answer. We were eating Chinese soup noodles at a restaurant catching up on the past couple of weeks. She just finished telling me about her week with her marine boyfriend’s parents who visited. She told me she still hasn’t told her dad about living with her boyfriend and that her mom and siblings all know about it and don’t want her to tell dad either because he will be so upset. She is in a crossroad where she would marry him but also desires to chase her young dreams of flying planes and seeing the world. She does not see the disconnect and talks about her drinking and living with her boyfriend like that is the normal thing to do…even though she knows at least her dad would not approve.
I also had a conversation with my other Japanese friend, “Charm”, this week where she talks about having a boyfriend so lightly…that she likes sleeping with someone next to her. I was honestly shocked again at how simply and easily these young women speak of things that Americans would at least mention with some pride, trepidation or conscience.
Then I was at a deployed spouses dinner that was set up not unlike a fellowship hall dinner at a church with folding chairs and tables with the hosts bringing in food and standing around us ready to serve. What struck me was how the senior officers of the base kindly and enthusiastically introduced themselves and told about their jobs and how they were there to help us and then they went to introduce their wives. Usually they would make a cute comment about their better half or something to that effect and the women would then roll their eyes, frown, or stand unchanged. Wow. What is going on?
Why do they seem annoyed at coming to their husband’s events? Why does it seem like they would rather exist without their husbands?
This week I have read a ton of articles and writings about marriage being re-defined and about what kind of lies women believe about life and themselves. The right to be happy and fulfilled, the right to eat what they want when they want it, the right to be in control and do things their way…to be honest, I have thought about each of these lies and even believe them at times. With my husband being deployed its easy for me to slip into control mode and selfish mode with my thoughts and actions. It becomes easier to do when I meet wives each day with the same independent spirit that helps them survive alone times. I meet with Christian ladies who also Christianize these lies (like me) so they can do what they want and ignore how the Lord truly wants us to be fulfilled by Him alone, not by our lives down here. How do I speak truth to these women and myself? How do we as women keep our humble and dependent heart to the Lord while at the same time independently and strongly lead a household while our husbands are away? How do we keep our hearts from growing cold toward our husbands to the point where we mock their appreciation of us in public? I think that that will never happen between me and Barrett but I also thought we would never fight or have a disagreement. =0) How do I speak of sin and a savior to girls who see these strong independent American women who do what they want when they want to satisfy the void in their own lives?
Lots of questions and thoughts this week. Im still chewing the cud of how my theology should respond practically. Telling Aya and Chia they are in sin without first showing them what sin is and what it deserves seems more works oriented than gospel centered. Confronting Christian wives on their independence seems too rash for a newby like me who hasn’t been in their shoes to understand. And confronting unbelieving complaining wives will leave them with a sour taste of a religious chaplain’s wife.
Even as I write this I see the hypocrisy of caring more about what people think than what glorifies God. I want to work it all out in my head before I attempt to put my toe in the water. Me and Moses would have been good friends. =0) So I guess I would ask for your prayers. Pray for wisdom in my life and doctrine. Thanks for holding up my arms to fight in this battle.