I must admit, I didn’t know what to expect today. We were up at 5am to be at the surgery center by 6am. The hardest part for me initially was being led to the gurney area and having to lie there for something like 5 days before Dr. Brown came. Barrett was able to be with me after I got my vitals and my dreaded IV. The people in the gurney areas next to us coughed, laughed, giggled, and yes, even burped as they waited for their obviously different kind of experience than ours. =0) The staff was amazing. The lady that set me up told me how sorry she was and when she realized they were twins she was even more compassionate. She said that she had a similar experience as well…at 4 months. The anesthesiologist answered all our questions kindly, and my OR nurse treated me kindly with her huge UK earrings shining proudly. =0) Dr. Brown was a little late but she came in soberly and sweetly telling us what to expect with lipstick lining her teeth. (Barrett noted that, I think it made him feel better that someone else had something in their teeth besides him.) I thought that I was going to have to be awake for the gurney trip, changing beds, and vitals hook up but the Lord graciously allowed me to not remember any of that even though I apparently held a conversation with Barrett on my way in. The next thing I remember is someone calling my name, “Colleen…”
I awoke and when I realized where I was I started to cry…just as I am now. Phew. I think I emptied a half a tissue box by the time it was through. The nurse was kind and Barrett came in to wipe my tears as well. She explained what she needed and I changed and got wheeled out by a kind nurse who turned out to be a sweet believer. The Lord is gracious. I was in a lot more pain than I expected and needed to take some motrin…but not on an empty stomach. We went to panara for a late breakfast and stopped at Starbucks for a comfort cup of coffee…OK, I REALLY went comfort and got a latte. My coworkers in their kindness gave us a starbucks card that couldn’t have been more properly used but at this time. =0)
I tried to sleep when I got home but the pain was too much and my tear ducts decided to flow once again. I rested until the peace of sleep came. Barrett was then thoughtful enough to walk with me to Wal-Mart to pick up a prescription and just experience some normalcy. I called Mom and Dad to exchange comfort and then we got our first meal delivered and savored every delicious-homey morsel.
Each of you have a special place in Barrett’s and my heart. You have been a comfort to us and joy to us both in good times and bad. We really appreciate all of your support and love in both times! This is not a way that we would have chosen to understand suffering but we are thankful for it. We have been able to see how the body of Christ works together for comfort and support. We have been convicted in how we show…and don’t show…compassion and love for others. We have experienced selfless giving and serving. And we have been able to comfort and support each other as a couple in new and deeper ways. We know that God does not promise us more children…and even in this knowledge we find our comfort in knowing that our satisfaction is in Him alone. He has given us eternal life and hope by knowing that this curse will be reversed and we will see Him face to face, not because of what we have done, but because of what Christ has done. What a joy!
Lastly, I would just like to add something that I wrote in my journal the other day as I cried out to the Lord. I was able to thank him for the time that we did have the twins, no matter how brief, or what the outcome. What a miracle of life they were! Thank you all for being with us in the joy and sadness.