Eyes are the window to the soul. “Look at me, do I look like I need what you’re giving?” I stared at Marioose, a man I just met coming off the Subway in Harlem back in 1995. His eyes glowed with happiness and contentment. I paused awkwardly, “Honestly, no, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t need this.” I handed him the tract in my hand. He took it, smiled and walked away. That momentary experience has been so seared into my memory that I still think about it today. How can someone be so happy and content when they don’t understand their need for Christ? Why is he not depressed, lonely, and angry? I have never met someone who left me speechless like him…until yesterday.
This was my third time going down to the abortion clinic where there were about 5 of us standing outside to talk with women as they entered. All appointments are from 7-8 a.m. and our goal is to help the women know that there are other options. We do not mob them. We do not yell at them. We do not block their way. We come alongside and talk with them gently as we understand that they may be bitter, lonely, angry, or scared and feel like this is their last and only option. Out of the blue a man carrying a lone bicycle tire comes storming down the walkway spitting curses and pushing one of the older ladies into the busy downtown street. He started fuming my way and we locked eyes. There were so many thoughts going through my mind: “Why? Why are you yelling at us? What has brought you to this point of blinding rage? Where is that hatred coming from behind your eyes? Why are you so lucid in this spitting blind rage?” The more I kept his gaze, the angrier he got as he came up to me. Another man came up beside me for protection and whispered to me not to engage him as that would only egg him on.
He moved passed and my heart just fell as I saw the depravity of the heart of all men. But by the grace of God that is me. That blinding rage that chooses to hate can come from me. The capacity to push people away and seek revenge can come from me. Yet Christ died for that. I was again reminded that my salvation is not deserved, earned, or merited. It is by grace alone through faith in Christ alone. What do my eyes show? My self-reliance (Marioose)? My defiance (Angry man)? Or reliance on the one who paid for it all?