“Do you have a quarter?” asked Barrett as we were leaving the Mexican Restaurant where we had lunch with a friend. “For what?” I asked. “I want skittles,” was the reply and I firmly said “no.” The funny thing was, I had a quarter, I just didn’t give it to him. Why? Ashamedly I did it because I could. As we were leaving and he continued to ask, I stubbornly said NO. Then I realized that if the situation was reversed he would have given me not only one quarter, but a whole dollars worth of quarters for skittles. Man, was I selfish!
The rest of the day went on with that unspoken thick feeling that hung between us like the tabernacle curtain. We talked and could hear each other but I knew I was wrong and wouldn’t admit it. During Sunday School this week the lesson was on communication. Huh. Barrett sat with Betsy’s son Michael in another class so I went to the communication class alone to take copious notes. I was reminded about the 2 main goals of marriage 1) to glorify Christ by remembering the cross and acting out my gratitude in service and grace, and 2) to be one. In order to do those things we have to communicate. We were given 11 common mistakes including hurling bombs, insulting each other, making false presumptions or assumptions, interrupting, fogging up, not asking for forgiveness and scolding. Huh. I’ve done all of those. I walked out looking forward to talking about it with Barrett and clearing the air.
Alas, the business of church fellowship, small group, talking with people, and invitations kept us from discussing the class (yeah, the communication class…the irony kills me!) till just now. We are realizing how hard it is to stop our individual lives, lists, and desires and put into practice our oneness in what we do. To remember to serve and communicate with each other not for the others sake, but because we want to honor God. That we need to serve Christ so that if the other person doesn’t respond the way we desire, it doesn’t matter as their response is not our goal, unity in Christ is. Wow!! I have to admit Im a bit overwhelmed at the practicality of these ramifications. How do we have individual lives, personalities, and duties and be one? How do I meet with women, go to class, go shopping, and complete chores while being one with Barrett? How does he have men’s fellowship, disciple men, and do school work and be one with me? How do we complete our daily lists as a team and not as individuals? Phew!! The joy is in the journey, right? It’s a life long process and maturity that I impatiently want to know now!
So instead of showing that I have and individual and independent spirit by not giving Barrett a silly quarter, I should have willingly showed how much I appreciate him by giving him a quarter. Instead of yielding to the ugliness of pride, power, and self reliance, I should have shared in his joy of small pleasures. Please forgive me Father for choosing to listen to my deceitful heart. Help me to remember Your grace and sacrifice and to live it out in my everyday decisions.