This week was difficult for me to think of thankful things (except for Barrett, I breath thankfulness for him…enter cheesy girl sigh here with dreamy look____________). Not because I don’t have any, but because of circumstances blinding my inward view…once again! Come on, bad things 2 weeks in a row? Shouldn’t we have a more of an average flow of events…you know, some bad, lots of good, a little bad, a little good…Yeah…it doesn’t work that way. I found myself emotionally sapped dry by Thursday, which lent itself humorously to the giggly attitude my friends and I had while having thanksgiving pizza downtown. You know the kind of giggling you get late at night that brings tears, red faces, and lack of air? The kind that when you try to recall the events later with your friends you can’t imagine why they were ever funny? That kind of laughter. Man, it felt great! And most of it was over the artistic bending of a the metal top to a glass water bottle formed into the shape of a seal…then a turtle…and lastly a rabbit before it met its demise under the fist of my patron friend.
Teaching in itself can be draining with having to come up with new examples on the spot for ESL students who have a different cultural understanding of a concept or word than me, but throw in character issues that need to be dealt with and it is more tiring than doing the NBC sports obstacle course they have every year for professional athletes (I think its NBC…do they even do that anymore? I loved watching that when I was little…OK CC, focus). I had meetings after meetings this week with both my grade 9 students and my fellow teachers and admin with how to get that class back in order. It was exasperating! I love those kids and want them to see the driving purpose behind our discipline and all they see is more rules. My hope is that sometime they will see our motivation is love and their own personal growth. That they will see the freedom in boundaries instead of the barb wire. I can’t tell you the mental gymnastics that I do over these issues!
Then there is the disease of discontent and bitterness that is flowing through the staff that leads to complaints in the staff room and in homes late at night. It breeds an atmosphere of depression and even hatred that draws us away from implementing Christian accountability and love. It came to a head to me this week, which added to the mental roller coaster of my already tiring firing neurons. Where does my responsibility fall? How can I help? Who should I talk to about this? Am I supposed to spread info or is that gossip? Ugh! Add on personal things like wedding plans, birthdays, Thanksgiving, seeing a High school play, meeting old Thai friends, Bible studies, worship practice, accountability groups, and daily life…all fantastic things yet they add up to SJ telling me, “you look frazzled!” and me laughing too hard at a cap turned seal and vinegar spilling on my friends shirt.
In all of this I truly am thankful for God giving us laughter and friends. Despite the “frazzledness” of each day God gives me situations to make me smile and laugh, or a friend that will listen to me complain. Man, Im so thankful for Him, health, breath, Thailand, family, up and coming family, Barrett (he’s so proud that he made my email TWO times this week), my kids coming to talk to me or joke with me, music, God’s Word, and good food! So even if the average is a little off on some weeks, maybe taking a closer look at each day can tip the scale.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!