It seems as though life has been full of differentiating truth and feelings lately. From books I have been reading to my kids, to interviews I have listened to, to interactions with friends and siblings on the playground. All of these have been examples of how we need to tell ourselves the truth when we feel the opposite of said truth.
Every morning at breakfast, I read a bit of a book to the kids. Right now we are reading a book on Adoniram Judson, the first American missionary to Burma. Basically, everyone that goes to Burma dies…except for him so far. Other missionaries come and die, all his kids have died, and his Burmese friends die. He is also put in prison for over a year and is tortured almost to death only to be freed and have his wife, last daughter, and his adopted daughter die. Needless to say he goes into a depression for months. “Is it OK for Adoniram to be sad?” “Yes!” “Is Jesus worth all this pain?” Silence. “Um yes? No?” We discussed this for a while. Our final answer comes a chapter later when Adoniram looks back at this time of sorrow with new eyes. Yes, he was in his darkest moment where he felt alone and forgotten, but his joy came when he realized God was with him through it all as that is what the Bible promised. He felt one way, but the truth was the opposite.
Then I listened to an interview of a Christian artist that I used to introduce when I was a radio DJ. I really liked her story, lyrics, and voice but suddenly she disappeared for 7 years. She says after having a religious experience in college she got swept into the public life of a female Christian musician in a male dominated industry where she didn’t have time to figure out who she was. The struggle was real, legit. She needed to get out and figure out why she couldn’t sing certain songs anymore and why she disagreed with what the bible said about certain issues. She travelled Australia and spent time figuring out who she was by how she felt. She still claims to be a Christian but does not think the bible is inerrant. She claims it’s an important spiritual book but it’s wrong in some areas. When the interviewer asked her how she decides what’s wrong in the bible, she answered by saying if it doesn’t match her feelings or experience then it’s wrong and she is right. By the end of the interview it was clear that her truth was based on her experience and feelings, not any objective truth.
During this time the twins did not want to do school and dug their feet in. They would not answer questions or if they did, they said the opposite of what the answer was. “What’s going on guys? Why don’t you want to be fun and done?” “I don’t want to do school. I don’t like school.” “I get that guys, I don’t always want to do school either. Does that mean we don’t ever have to do it?” Silence. We talked about all their friends and how they go to school, then we walked to Barrett’s office and all the personnel there said they had to do school too, and then we asked the twins how they could be a fireman or mom without going to school? How could they read to their babies or know how to get to the fire if they didn’t learn how to read? Barrett’s chief told them she didn’t always want to go to school and that sometimes it wasn’t fun, but she had to do it anyway too. Something eventually clicked and they finished school for the day. Their feelings did not want to do school but the truth was they had to. This truth was based objectively on state law, not anyone’s feelings.
As we discussed all these topics together I asked them if it’s OK to punch someone when they were mad. “No!” “Why not? You feel really angry and you think that punching them will make you feel better? Why can’t that be true?” “Because we aren’t loving our neighbor.” “YES! Your feelings of anger are real, but hitting someone in our anger is not OK. Where do we get that truth?” “In the Bible.” “Yes! The Bible doesn’t lie or change, you can trust it. Look at Adoniram, he felt alone, sad, and probably felt like God left him. Yet what did the bible remind him of?” “That God was with him.” “Yes! Our feelings are real, but that doesn’t mean they tell us the truth. We have to work hard and tell ourselves the truth sometimes…do you feel like I love you when I give you consequences?” “No!” “Right, but the truth is, I do. I love you when you obey, I love you when you don’t obey. My love is not based on my feelings of you, it’s based on the truth of it. You’re mine, you are a gift to me, I’m gonna keep you. That’s the truth no matter what you feel.”
It’s been an emotional week with all these circumstances and with Barrett leaving, but the truth is, God is with me. The truth is He has given me friends, family, and a church family to help tell me the truth when my emotions feel the opposite. Thanks to all of you that have held up my arms this week while the emotional battle raged.