I Would Do the Same Thing!
Did you recently see the courtroom footage of the father who rushed the Olympic gymnastics team doctor who sexually assaulted dozens of girls including his very own daughters? The father actually asked the judge if he could have five minutes alone with the offender, even one minute. After the judge rejected his request the father rushed toward the man only to be immediately tackled by several deputies of the court.
I actually watched the footage while in the gym surrounded by several other men, fathers. They all said they would done exactly the same thing! And I can’t lie, I myself have two young daughters, and if I learned of the sexually gruesome details a man committed against them it would be very difficult to hold my composure.
But the question is, should that be our response? On the one hand, we can identify when victims respond to their victimization with immediate destructive behavior toward their offender, but on the other hand, doesn’t that immediate destructive behavior tell something of the person’s heart? In fact, how we respond to injustices exposes something so much more, it exposes the level of our own trust in God’s very justice. We want the gavel when God makes it very clear in Scripture that the gavel is his.
What about Combat Veterans?
But here’s a twist. What I find with most combat veterans is they will most likely never have the opportunity to lash out at their offender, to rush them in the court as it were. Sometimes they will never know who he is. They don’t know who shot them, who shot their buddy, or who laid the land mine the school children accidently walked upon. The offender is a ghost. And even if the combat vet knows the offender was killed, there’s the nagging thought that there are thousands of more maniacs like him out there.
So, what do the combat vets do now that he’s back home and off the battle field? Amongst his many internal turmoil’s, he may want justice, he may want vengeance, he wants to somehow undo what was destroyed. He obviously can’t lash out in destructive behavior toward the offender. He wants an outlet. And as counselors of traumatized combat victims many of us know where the outlet is unleashed. Its unleashed on the vet’s family, the wife, the kids, even the friends, or maybe the waiter who brought the wrong meal. Loved ones become the object of the destructive behavior as the vet sometimes has no other egress.
Like I said, on the one had we can somewhat understand the outbursts of anger or the destructive behavior. Combat is hard, the sights are hard, the smells are hard, the sounds are hard. Physiological, emotional, and spiritual changes were made in that soldier on the battlefield that we might not fully comprehend. But now he’s home, and his anger, his rage, his outbursts need to be tempered. And even as counselors, we must understand at this point that with man this impossible, but with God, all things are possible (Matt. 19:26).
From Burst of Anger to Acts of Love
Our ultimate hope for a broken soldier, marine, airman, or sailor sitting across from us is that he or she would grieve over the tragedies of war, but that they would also entrust the injustices to God’s courtroom while clinging themselves to the cross where their very own injustices are forgiven and they are made righteous before a holy God. But as we all know, bringing any victim to this place takes time. It takes work navigating and reclaiming a person’s jaded heart with a broken story to a place where they can see their story in all its redemption.
If I am dealing with a combat victim who is bursting out in anger toward loved ones or is having all around destructive behavior I typically address four overarching issues: First, I investigate their physical lifestyle. Some I find are not allowing themselves sufficient sleep, some are drinking or smoking heavily, some are addicted to opioids, some are binge eating, some are even addicted to porn. No doubt these types of lifestyles are feeding (or at least not helping temper) their rage. And when I make those types of physical observations to a combat victim who is dealing with anger issues it’s amazing to see their posture change and agree that those lifestyle choices probably aren’t helping their situation!
Second, I want to bring them to a place where they understand their combat experience isn’t their greatest problem, a life without Christ is. “Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God” (John 3:18). Yes, someone who has faced gruesome combat is certainly a victim of a terrible experience, but his or her experience does not exempt him or her from their need of God’s forgiveness. But how amazing it is that we can bring them to a Savior who understands injustice and who knows what it is to be a victim.
Third, I graciously want to dethrone the soldier. I want him or her to know, “‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” There is so much bound up in these rich words undergirding God’s ultimate rule, his providence, his justice. As believers who face tremendous injustices throughout life these words must be woven into the fabric of our souls. We want justice now, we want vindication now, but the soldier must know the Lord works on a different time table – all will be made right.
Lastly, I want the love by which they have been loved in Christ to overflow to those around the person. By the unfathomable grace of God Louis Zamporini forgave his captors, even the Bird, and God can do the same thing for the soldier sitting across from you. Magnify for them the kindness, the patience, the mercy, the tenderness, the forgiveness, the grace, and the love of God in the face of Christ. John Piper’s Seeing and Savior Christ or Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die may be helpful homework for them to read. Press them to love the way they’ve been loved, specifically to memorize and recite to themselves 1 John 4:9-11.
In Short
The next time the combat vet is tempted to lash out it anger encourage them to walk away from the situation, physically calm down, remember what they have in Christ, rest in God’s ultimate authority, and respond by loving the way they have been loved.
“In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” – 1 John 4:9-11