Limbo

The fold out couch here is never a couch.  It’s always the bed where my kids sleep like pack dogs, wrestling for a spot and snuggling with various appendages each night.  I bought a few small pumpkins as an attempt to present fall and festivities, but the hotel smell belies the illusion of home.  Yet we are doing the best we can.  The twins are in a special education program each day to help bridge their developmental gaps, so Annabelle and I do school quietly at our round kitchenette table.  Our morning routine has shifted from eating breakfast together, reading a book, and praying, to getting the twins out the door on time in order to catch the 7:20 bus on time. Our prayer and catechism time is now on our walk to the bus stop.

Oh, the bus!  Our hotel bus stop takes a good 10 minutes to load.  We have so many school aged kids that we are the only bus stop for this driver’s route.  We fill up an entire bus!  The twins are the last to get on as they have to be strapped into their car seats.  They drop their backpacks on the floor, climb in, and joyfully say “goodbye” as I kiss them and tell them to have fun and obey their teacher.  They come home each afternoon with smiles and sand in their shoes from playing.  They love school.

Each day for us has been different.  While in the States, I am trying to get every medical and dental issue met.  Going to a doctor or dentist in Puerto Rico has its challenges from language barriers to simply finding the office and parking.  So, I have been running to get the kids an appointment while in the meantime I got an eye sty that was so large I was seeing double.  That led me to need someone to drive me and the kids to an eye ER an hour away in hopes to get it lanced.  Five hours later the doc said no, just to wait 5 days and come back.  Yeah.  Headaches, bad vision, and Quasimodo later, I left the ER disillusioned.  It drained about 4 days later.  Epic.  Then Lydia got pink eye and now all the kids have snotty head colds…I’m guessing it may be hotel allergies too.  Yet we have shelter, food, water, and familiar faces right next door.  We are so blessed.

We have still been having meetings while also being gifted with pizza parties, a trip to a kid play zone, and even ice cream with the admiral.  The local YMCA has given us free passes for a month so we try and get there once a week for the kids to play.  Annabelle and I joined a Classical Conversations group here that meets on Thursday which allows us to interact with more amazing people and enjoy doing class as well.  We have also connected with a local church that brings a bus to the hotel to pick up anyone who wants to come.  It’s been fantastic!

Laundry and transportation are proving to be the main issue.  I feel like I’m back in college feeding machines 50 quarters a pop to clean my clothes…yet this time I have 3 littles to entertain.  Someone has loaned me a car for a couple of weeks and that has been HUGE!  I can keep car seats in the car and not rely on Uber or shuttles that may not have them.  I do try and cook our meals on our two-burner counter and microwave but feeding 4 people well takes many trips to the grocery store, as our small fridge turned freezer often spoils our fresh food by first freezing our fruits and veggies and then randomly thawing which turns the food to mush which I don’t realize it till I go to make a meal.  Many fresh eggs have been peeled not because they have been boiled, but because they are frozen when I put them in the pan.  Ha!  It’s annoying, but I am thankful that we have the ability to get food and cook it.

The Lord has given me many opportunities to simply talk and listen to many women here as they purge their hearts of their concerns and unanswered questions.  Here we are in the middle of a hotel paradise yet the discontentment looms large.  We long for things that just won’t happen while missing the chance to be thankful for all we do have.  Oh for us to be like Paul, that we can learn to be content in all situations.  There is still no timeline for us to go back.  Many have made the decision not to go back even when we are able.  Too much chaos for their kids to uproot them yet again.  I get that.  We need to know that there will be hospitals with power, phone service, internet, and structurally sound roads before we attempt to go back.  So we live in limbo here.

Hmmm…that makes me think about what I learned in seminary…how we believers live in the already not yet tension of being God’s chosen child, forgiven and free, yet not yet.  It is fully realized when we meet our Savior face to face and it’s a sure thing!  But right now, we live in the waiting of the not yet.  The not yet is not very comfortable because you know there is something better to come, yet the hardship of living in the sin cursed world now, looms large.  This hotel is not my home, Barrett and PR are, and we know that there will be a time when that will be realized again…just not yet.  So we live life here in all its weirdness and blessings with the assurance of going home to Barrett and our beds.

Time to make the walk to the bus station.  Lydia will be passed out and drooling when I take her out and Ronnie will give me his Shamu grin and tell me he’s happy.  We will all walk hand in hand back to our room where I will start to thaw out our sausage and apples for dinner.  Then my sweet kids will all crawl into bed, read a book, sing a song, and pray that our home with daddy will be realized soon.  Oh Lord, even so come today!