The happy misdiagnosis! The dermatologist declared that what I thought was ringworm spreading along my arms, neck, and chest, was actually eczema! I was no longer a leper that could not be touched. I no longer had to wear long sleeves and high necks to keep others from getting this funky fungus. And my laundry electric expense will plummet for I no longer had to change my sheets and wash my clothes after each touch. The power of these few diagnosis words freed me to touch again! Oh happy day! I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I received it again.
My shingles are healing as well as the staff infection I received from the deep scabs on my back. I am almost done with the medication that forces my intestines to rid all things quickly and explosively as well as handing me horrid heartburn. Oh how the physical affects the mental and spiritual. The eczema? Well, the doc said its because I’m a little older today than yesterday. In other words, I’m stuck with it.
My mental? I feel like we are still trying to figure out the new normal for our family and how each of us fit in now. Being referee and trainer for little determined hearts still drains me by the end of the day and tears still come as I see the hardness set into eyes. Screams and tantrums churn my stomach and burn my heart like the medicine I am on and our move creeps closer as taxes need to be done. Our brains are on overload.
Yet, in the midst of all this, I got a break. Barrett watched all the kids while I attended a two-day conference with some dear friends. I was reminded of the gospel once again and how my faith gives me hope in difficult, sad, traumatic, and depressing times. That I am forgiven for sinning in my anger, that its OK to have bad days with the kids and husband, that I don’t have to be super person because its impossible. Instead, I need to look to the founder and perfector of my faith, Jesus Christ. That we as Christians do this life thing together and need each other to point us back to the truth, that we have a Savior that was tempted in all ways as we are, yet did not sin. He humbled his perfect self to die on the cross for dirty rotten sinners like me. Then took off my filthy garments and clothed me with his righteousness. I am saved! In light of this I can love my family, friends, church, stranger, and outcasts. And I’m forgiven again when I fail at this love. Oh how comforting it was to hear my friends say they struggle like I do! None of us are perfect or do things right all the time. That is why we need this gospel. Oh how that refreshed my soul! I repented of my sin and asked the spirit to help me in my weaknesses.
I came home each day with a smile on my face and conversation on my lips for Barrett. This has been rare of late, due to my brokenness and tiredness. The Lord sustained him during this time to love me despite my funk. I am so thankful for that. This marriage stuff is not for the faint of heart. In sickness and in health…till death do us part!
There will still be tough times ahead. Kids will cry and collapse into tantrums, I will be late again, Barrett and I will miscommunicate and hurt each other, but we will not be abandoned or forsaken. The Lord will bring us friends, a sermon, a retreat, a text, or an email to refresh our souls. Adoption is warfare and we have felt it on all aspects of our lives: physical, mental, and spiritual…but my God has won! He is greater than all! I choose to trust in Him. Now wear is that eczema lotion…